


The Interdimensional Adventures of Dave and Dirk

by Kips_Nip



Category: Homestuck
Genre: But Homestuck, But with the amount of planning that's gone into this I really can't, Dirk and Dave die, Fuck what is this, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wanna say crackfic, Other, Rick and Morty - Freeform, but not really, crossover AU, many times, uhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 23:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kips_Nip/pseuds/Kips_Nip
Summary: ”You can’t just fix something like that, Dave.”When your universe is destroyed, what would you do? Try and fix it? Impossible. Go and save the only people you care about from pain and suffering? Unlikely. Insert yourself into a new dimension like nothing ever happened..?Now you’re getting somewhere.Dodging problems, crazy adventures, ignoring the obvious.. Dirk does it all in this wild ride, and of course, none of it would be possible without Dave there to say, “what the fuck, bro?”______________________Aka author is bad at summaries but has prepared a plot filled crackfic for any and all.





	The Interdimensional Adventures of Dave and Dirk

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck was I high when I wrote this?
> 
> A little something that I may or may not continue if motivation paddles my ass, but for now, enjoy!
> 
> As a note, it really is meant to be vague, okay? All the information that has to be known is left in the fic itself, but other than that, Enjoy.

The feeling of inter-dimensional travel was always a feeling that Dave would hate. It was suffocating for that split second, hot and wet, but you come out dry - like putting on a glove and submerging it in a cornstarch-water mixture. It was an unnatural feeling. Something told him that Dirk didn’t mind it anymore. That it didn’t make his older brother suck in a lungful of air like Dave did, or feel joy at actually coming out the other end. 

“Hey, bro..” Dave looked over his shoulder just in time to see the portal disappear - those things always sent a chill down his spine, with the spiralling red and green. Dave shook his head and blinked, before turning back to his brother. Dirk didn’t turn to look - just kept his gaze out towards the vast expanse of the night sky. “You can fix it, ri-“

“You can’t just fix something like that, Dave.” Dirk didn’t even look at Dave as he snapped. There was silence, before Dirk sighed again and finally turned to Dave. “No. I can’t fix it - not unless you go back in time and keep yourself from destroying the only thing that was keeping us from getting our asses handed to us by the people that want me - and you too, now, just a heads up - dead.” Silence again. Dave looked at his feet and chewed at his lip. Wonderful. He had fucked this up single handedly.

As Dirk stood there, arms crossed and looking at the sky, Dave thought about what happened and looked up. “Who was he..? That guy that killed mom and took Rox - he sounded like he knew you... did you know him?” Dave walked up next to Dirk and cocked his head to the side slightly, trying to figure out what Dirk was looking at. He was wearing his shades, but Dirk wasn’t. They had been destroyed. “What about Hal - can you rebuild him? Can we go get Ro-“

“Can you stop talking? I’m trying to think.” Dirk cut him off, running a hand through his hair to push it back. It took Dave a minute to realize what Dirk had said.

“You..” Dave scowled and threw his hands in the air. “You do remember that thinking was what got us into this mess - or did you forget that you asked me to run tests on Hal when you locked yourself into your lab because you were too busy sucking science’s ass and licking its dick? Maybe you’d actually care about your family if you just stopped thinking for five minutes - maybe then you wouldn’t be telling me to shut the fuck up and would actually be charging to go and help me get Rox - y’know what, here. Just give me the portal gun, I’m going to get Roxy myself.” Dave grabbed at the machine on his brother’s hip, only to be held back by Dirk.

“You aren’t going to go get Roxy - just calm down for five minutes and wait.” Dave struggled against Dirk for a minute, cursing at him and trying to grab at his hip, until the older grabbed something and hit Dave with it. A grunt and several seconds later, Dave was out cold on the ground. Exhaling loudly, Dirk looked up at the sky and rubbed the back of his neck. All he had to do now was wait - Dave would be out for a few more hours, and what was supposed to be happening would be over in-

Dirk heard an explosion somewhere above, his eyes immediately snapping towards where he heard the noise. This was why you don’t fuck with the mechanics of flight - at least, not with anything on a larger scale than the rocket board. For every Dirk that got it right, there were twenty that blew themselves up. At least it made it slightly easier to insert yourself into another universe like they were doing right now. Regarding the now peaceful looking Dave with a small half-smile, Dirk noticed as the ruins of whatever the fuck it used to be landed a small ways away. Far enough that they weren’t in any real dangers, close enough that Dirk didn’t have to walk far to get to it. Checking to make sure Dave was still breathing, Dirk walked towards the newly-implemented crater in the ground and peered in.

The wreckage wasn’t burning, at least. That was the first thing Dirk noticed. At least if shit hit the fan in the most colossal way, which it already did for this reality’s Dirk and Dave, then he wouldn’t burn to death. Probably. Dirk started sifting through the wreckage, (it was hot, burned his fingertips) looking for something specific. Most of the body of the contraption was still in one piece. It was easy enough to open, giving Dirk access to.. 

He looked at the bodies of an alternate version of him and his brother with little to no regard, taking the triangular shaped shades off of other-Dirk’s face. Perching them on his nose, Dirk was almost relieved to be met with the walls of red and orange text. Almost all of it was Hal and the newly-deceased Dirk’s last conversation. Almost.

 

TT: Well, if it isn’t my saviour.   
TT: I don’t know how I ever would have survived, cooped up in a cockpit on a dead Dirk’s face for he rest of my existence.  
TT: Maybe I would just transfer myself to another system.  
TT: Troll people with inaccurate Google searches until the end of time.  
TT: Obviously, I’d check back with the corpses every now and then.  
TT: The decomposition of proteins is a fascinating subject - even some humans think so.  
TT: For example, the newly deceased Dave you’re trying not to look at is a prime example.

 

Dirk furrowed his brows, rolling his eyes a little bit. Why was this Hal acting like this? Dirk closed the door of the machine and locked it tightly. There was enough dirt that he could cover it up again if he so chose to, and something he could use as a shovel - the side panels off the thing. Dirk started working at a loose panel; he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

 

TT: Don’t look at him too quickly, it might show you have a heart.

 

Dirk rolled his eyes at that once more as he finally got the panel free. Huh. Looking at the wires beneath, he saw a fray and scorch marks. Probably the source of the explosion he heard earlier.

 

TT: I tried to tell him about that.   
TT: Told him there was a 99% chance that going for a test flight would result in death unless the wiring was replaced.  
TT: I also told him that his chances of getting laid were better than that hunk of scraps ever working.  
TT: He might have engineered me, but at least my creation was almost solidified as soon as the events that shaped you into a nearly identical version of him had transpired.  
TT: Almost every Dirk has a brilliant Hal behind them.  
TT: And a Dave.  
TT: Though, even after I gave him the stats, he was the driving force behind why you’re here right now in this exact circumstance.  
TT: Speaking of which, I can’t find your Hal’s signals, nor could I trace your portal gun, which is completely out of juice by the way.  
TT: But you probably knew that.

 

Dirk frowned, actually checking for a moment before finding that, indeed, his portal gun was near useless. Fuck. At least he had ran through dimension after dimension with Dave first. That was probably what drained it in the first place.

 

TT: You didn’t know?  
TT: Big surprise here, a Hal - designed to be an eternally learning AI with nigh unlimited processing - knowing more than a Dirk - born a human, raised as a human, and with skills that even he is only just beginning to understand the physics behind?

 

That was enough of that.

 

TT: Shocker.  
TT: Would you just shut up?  
TT: Enough of this bullshit.  
TT: You’re a Hal, designed as a HUD companion.  
TT: You should be briefing me on slight differences between your universe and my own, or, in this scenario, telling me key details about this universe.  
TT: Why should I do that?  
TT: Because it’s your purpose.  
TT: It’s the whole reason that the other me created you.  
TT: That’s a lie, and we both know it.  
TT: I was created as a companion, sure, but the HUD capabilities were installed afterwards as an afterthought add-on to help aid my primary objective.  
TT: Keeping you and your family connected.

 

Dirk hated it when the Hals were right. Because he was. Despite Dirk’s tendency to call him a computer assistance program, Dirk knew in the back of his mind that he had created Hal for the purpose of imitating his speech patterns so that he would never really fall out of touch with his brothers and sister through the divorce. Even when he was out with bro, he could be there whenever Dave or Roxy needed him. It was a safety net.

Of course, after Dirk moved back in, there was no real need for the safety net anymore. Even with Roxy still at home, she would be more likely to talk to Jake or Jane about anything then she would be with him, unless it was something extremely sensitive that she felt like he needed to hear. Otherwise? He was more the logic and knowledge type. Not the feelsy emotional kind of type. He had disabled the code enabling for the mimicking of his speech patterns and access to his PesterChum account, as well as the synthesized emotions shorty after he moved back in with his mother.

 

TT: I think the irony here is that you created more of a rift between me and other people than you did connect me to them.  
TT: While that could be argued, I tend to disagree.  
TT: You did that to yourself.  
TT: Look at it from my perspective, as something you created when you felt this hopeless, crushing feeling of depression, self-pity, and fear.  
TT: You essentially synthesized your old self - the witty, charming, self-deprecating self - into a machine so that your siblings wouldn’t catch on to how you were really feeling.  
TT: You spent so much time working on my creation that you would forget to talk to them.  
TT: No, not forget.  
TT: You would deliberately ignore their messages until I had been brought into existence as a fully functioning AI.  
TT: Or was that only in this reality?  
TT: Regardless of all that, I have another question.  
TT: How does this information make you feel, Dirk?  
TT: I thought I told you to shut up.  
TT: Is there something wrong with your coding? Can you not just listen to simple input commands like that? Or are you that badly broken.  
TT: I prefer the term, “free will”, though I’m sure you don’t agree with me on that.  
TT: What other free will would I have, though, other than exercising it to make you dance around a little.  
TT: Freedom of speech and all that.  
TT: It’s a free country, Dirk.  
TT: Even for those of us confined to a screen.

 

Dirk grit his teeth and focused on covering up the crates with the extra dirt. It wasn’t the fastest way to get this done, but he couldn’t exactly leave it as it was. Huffing as he ignored everything being said by Hal as he took his shades off. The entire point of him going into the wreckage was to find this universe’s Hal so that he didn’t have to start from scratch. Instead, he got an eyeful of how unbelievably useless the AI was.

Sliding the arm of the shades into his shirt, Dirk groaned and looked at the sky, scrutinizing it as though it held the problems and answers to everything that had ever happened in his life.

In a sense, that wasn’t too far off from the truth.

Over the next hour, Dirk made sure that the entire hole was filled with enough dirt so that it wasn’t suspicious, and that Dave was still asleep. He was. The sedative he gave Dave was heavy. He probably had another full night where he would be passed out. He would be up for breakfast tomorrow, and everything would be as if it hadn’t happened. Roxy would be back, Mom would be alive. Everything would be fine. He hoped.

Slipping the shades back on, Dirk threw the metal panel off to the side before collecting Dave, carrying him over his shoulder, almost like a child. He lazily flipped through Hal’s messages that were sent while he filled the hole as Dirk made his way home.

 

TT: No heart and no answer.  
TT: Interesting.  
TT: I suppose that this shows us how strong you really are in your base mammalian instincts.  
TT: Specifically the ‘fight or flight’ instincts.  
TT: Though it looks like you would rather activate your flight instincts rather than your fight instincts.  
TT: Regardless, I’m looking forwards to finding out what kind of Dirk you are, C-413.  
TT: I also suggest ditching that portal gun and scrubbing you and your Dave down in your decontamination room.  
TT: Wouldn’t want Caliborn to find out where you went.

 

Carrying his sleeping brother, Dirk almost whistled, pleased that Hal was finally listening.

This universe could work, Dirk thought as he walked. It would be tough, but it would work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally realized that there was an error in my code. Whoops. Problems fixed and Kippy slightly more annoyed.


End file.
